Tonight I feel I want to write but don't know where it's heading. I have 5 minutes and that's not much time, so time is wasting with this pre-amble.
I sometimes wonder where faith is taking me: I know that ultimately it's eterniy with God and that will be awesome. Moving from one place to the next leaves a hole in us where we are missing places and people. The emotional and psychological attachments that we have to them can be strong, and we often underestimate them.
Having said this, sometimes we need to go. Our feet move and our stuff moves with us, but our hearts are torn. Sometimes this tearing of the heart-strings is painful and it's not easy to bear that pain. Yet in following what we sense God leading us into we (at times) will experience pain. Our telling of God's story and our response in faith often denies the pain we feel. I feel that this is a shame because I know from experience that God meets us in our pain.
So what am I saying. I guess I'm trying to encourage you to take your pain - your torn heart - to Jesus' feet. Pour out your tears to him if you have to (wash his feet with your tears) - I'm sure that Jesus said that is a beautiful thing. "Religious" christians may reject us as weak and unfaithful, but Jesus will never turn us away - he's looking for our lives to be given to him in complete reality - even when our reality is a painful place.